The Grand Pooh-Bah of the studio, Darlene keeps everyone on track. Part diplomat, part project manager but all about making everyone happy, Darlene’s probably the person you’ll be talking to most. Generously well spoken, patient, über-organized and nearly 90% unflappable, she’ll explore your website design idea with you and then find the best method and people to bring it into being. She likes fast cars, good food, and almost anything shiny.
Darlene, the Quick-Start® Guide:
Favourite color: black and white.
Favourite drink: after dinner B52 coffee with sugared rim, whipped cream and a cherry on top.
Pairs of shoes owned: 146 (staggeringly Imelda Marcos)
Pet Peeve: dirt.
Something she’d never say: “We need to make your logo even bigger.”
Definitely the duck-billed platypus of the office, which isn’t to say he’s not a fine looking man. On the one end, he’s a divine web designer, while on the other he’s a hard-core PHP and ASP coder. This makes him a very rare critter indeed. Prone to level-headedness and practicality, but not above pulling-off a good prank or two, we consider him completely indispensable around here. He likes clean design, meat, and keeping pucks out of his net.
Kris, the Quick-Start® Guide:
Favourite color: definitely black.
Favourite drink: one Red Bull.
Pairs of shoes owned: : 5 ½ (so one time you came home with only 1 shoe?)
Pet Peeve: long emails (did you hear that, Kev?)
Something he’d never say: “My monitor is just way too big.”
A great multi-purpose tool—or perhaps “instrument” is the better word—to have around the office, Kevin brings a Swiss Army Knife of talents to the team. He likes to adopt “special” clients, he does a touch of programming, website maintenance, content and development and specializes in web and print copywriting. He likes ‘intuitiveness’, good movies and debating which came first the chicken or the tree falling in the forest that nobody’s going to hear.
Kevin, the Quick-Start® Guide:
Favourite color: plaid.
Favourite food: other people’s.
Pairs of shoes owned: 16 (but only 2 still actually fit)
Pet Peeves: people that stand at the bottom of escalators, bubble packaging, salt-free foods, fluorescent lighting, dry heat, wet bread, static, poorly written instruction manuals, flickering street lamps, early-bird dinners, ambiguous signage, fine print, the taste of envelopes, incomplete lists of things.
Something he’d never say: “I’ve brought my own lunch today so we don’t have to order in.”
Our vector vixen and electro-house music hipster, The MegaPixel can actually draw in 300 DPI while dancing to a techno-tempo of 130 BPM. She has a pet bunny who’s into Hip-Hop and enjoys a curious hobby of decorating her car headlamps with large fake eyelashes. Meg also chooses all of our restaurants and may be the first person in the world to propound a serious philosophy on why you should never wear matching socks.
Meg, the Quick-Start® Guide:
Favourite color: any one that pulsates to a beat.
Favourite food: Lobster Thermidor aux Crevettes with a Mornay sauce served in a Provençale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pâté drizzled in a thin brandy and Beluga caviar reduction topped with a tussle of Sardinian saffron and followed by an ever-so wafer-thin mint.
Pairs of shoes owned: not sure, but at least one pair of “puddle boots” for fishing. [?]
Pet Peeves: When Illustrator crashes and the “File Fairy” didn’t the project.
Something she’d never say: “I’ll take the double Big Mac® Combo with a Large Fry…”
Without question the quietest member of the team, The Couch is a laid-back kind of dude that provides all of us with a safe place to meditate, eat and even lay down on after pulling an all-nighter. Perfect for containing wandering clients, The Couch came to us with open arms from Ikea, where it learned how to be deeply discounted and tolerably resistant to mold. The Couch likes loose change, firm buttocks and other furniture in tight leather.
The Couch, the Quick-Start® Guide:
Favourite color: orange (duh!)
Favourite food: crumbs.
Pairs of shoes owned: 0 (The Couch has outlawed shoes.)
Pet Peeves: flatulence.
Something he’d never say: anything in English.
Inventor of both Liquid Paper for Computer Screens™ and Internet Make My Logo Bigger Spray™, “Donny”—sadly–does not yet actually work for us. Installed as a Fairly Important Person at a major Canadian corporation that Legal says we can’t mention, “Donny” provides us with several hundred emails worth of work each month. This—coupled with the fact that he, too, wears an anti-alien-mind-control tin foil helmet– makes him seem like he’s really one of us. Strikingly similar in appearance to one of the Osmonds, “Donny” is the heart-throb of a woman. World-wide. Finally, due to a head-long plummet from a weakened sapling when he was just a child, “Donny” hates anything “Maple Leaf”. As a result, he always finds his hockey buddies….somewhere else.
“Donny”, the Quick-Start® Guide:
Favourite color: rgb (187, 47, 46). A very special red, indeed.
Favourite drink: the seventh. Or the ninth if they’re weak. Which is why we felt he’d feel more at home beneath The Couch. [It’s just a joke “Donny”. Please don’t hurt us. Or sing.]
Pairs of shoes owned = number of sports ever played.
Pet Peeves: rgb (188, 48, 47), disclaimer text larger than 3 nano-dots/inch, anything blurry, logo-less entities of any kind, including kittens and houseplants.
Something he’d never say: “Can you make the logo a bit smaller” (he was the very first person ever not to have said that).